Big Book '98REFUGE OF THE DAMNED
by Datsun Tran
Alone at last. Peace at last. Peace came hand in hand with loneliness though. But Vivian would willingly trade her life for peace. Her soul even.
Vivian Pascoe slumped in her cheap, second-hand couch and stared at the late night movie on television, not really watching it. She had only a T-Shirt and panties on, dressed for bed. Her mind was elsewhere, thinking about her husband. Her hand snaked down to her left thigh and massaged the bruised covered flesh.
"Please God, offer me protection. Offer me salvation."
Far away. Billy drove in a daze, desperate for a hit of alcohol. He was aware of his alarming use of booze. But he didn't care. He was dying to get home.
Vivian leaned her head back and closed her eyes, trying to imagine a world where Vivian Pascoe was a happy person. A person that didn't have to contemplate suicide everyday.
The world where Vivian was a happy person was only a fantasy, she knew it would never be reality. Loneliness and pain were her destiny. And with that thought, she opened her eyes, shattering her fantasy into countless pieces.
Billy was eager to get home and rid the world of some sin. Sin that was his wife's. She was becoming a tool of the devil. Increasingly talking back to Billy, and sometimes while he was beating the sin out of her, he could see an iron rage that burned deeply in her eyes flash briefly, directed at him. This rage scared him, for he believed that the beatings were having no effect. His fear only fuelled him though, as he lengthened the sessions. Until finally, defeat and submission was apparent in her eyes. He needed to see this now.
The sound of her own sobs pierced the silence. Even to her, they sounded pathetic. The whole situation filled her with a hot and righteous anger. Something inside Vivian refused to take this abuse any longer. Taking this abuse for even one more second meant surrendering her life.
The tears flowed more freely as she cried softly to herself. Tears of a new beginning. Vivian found it harder and harder keeping her eyes open each time she blinked. Her drowsiness was so sudden that for a moment, she thought she was dreaming. Dreams were never so kind. While she was still crying, Vivian experienced the only comfort in her life, she slipped into a sleep without dreams.
She slipped into oblivion.
Elsewhere. Billy could feel the evil that existed in the world at night. He longed for Heaven to open up and pour down its holy water to wash away the evil of the world. He knew the only way to be pleasing to God was to perform his duties and cleanse his wife's body by pain. She was a sinful woman. God's goodness would shine down on him for his work. Billy felt a shimmer of excitement as he neared his home. His castle. His domain. His dungeon.
Wake up!!! Vivian woke with a start. She rubbed her sore neck, overall, feeling better about herself. The television was still on, but it was all static. A snowstorm. She looked at her clock and saw that it was nearing midnight. Standing up, Vivian stretched and heard her back pop, brushing her dark blonde hair away from her face.
Get out while you can. That was a recurring thought that only seemed plausible since her sleep. Get out. She no longer wished to be a victim. Go. She was as much her own enemy as her husband. Escape. He didn't keep her under lock and key, not the physical type anyway. Be free. It would be so easy... Where would you go? What would you do? You're not properly prepared. How would you survive? She didn't know the answer to these questions and laughed, she realised the answers weren't even important. She wanted to be free. To finally be free. The front door was open in two seconds. Easy.
Billy felt uneasy as he drove. He hoped God was happy with him. Not that He has reason not to be. Billy loved God, all he had ever done was follow His teachings.
It was the world around him that God was not happy with. It was the world that was full of sex and drugs that God was not happy with. It was his sinful wife that God was not happy with. Not him. Never him.
Vivian walked along the footpath and breathed in the cool night air. Rain started falling in a light drizzle, soaking her shirt. She leaned her head back as she opened her mouth to receive the liquid. Letting out a sigh of pleasure as she tasted the sweetness of freedom. Dressed only in her bed time attire, she danced along barefoot, lifted by her high spirits.
The rain soon started pounding down, but that didn't bother her. Now that she was free, she glanced back mentally, amazed to have endured all those years of torture and pain from the hands of the man that had sworn to love her. Love. A concept as alien to her as freedom was. But things are going to change, she thought as she danced happily across the street.
Outside, it started to rain. the rain, without fail, had a calming effect on Billy. After a nice, heavy downpour, Billy always felt that the evil that had built up was temporarily washed away.
He clicked on the windscreen wipers on and his breath of relief turned into a harsh inhalation as he saw the world was without change. It was the same old evil world. The sin had reached a level that even Heaven's holy water failed to wash away this time. He felt only dull disappointment as he slumped in his seat.
Ahead, as he drove on, he spotted a woman that looked strangely familiar. This woman looked confident and strong. Closer yet, he saw that she seemed to be dancing across the street half naked. It could only be that of Satan's work. Billy jammed his foot on the accelerator.
Pain. Immense pain. Blood was seeping through her torn shirt and her head ached as if it had been split opened. Before she knew her husband had run her over and left her for dead, she was unconscious. She would leave it up to fate as to whether she would awaken again.
Blood was cleaned off the windscreen with the rhythmic movement of the wipers. The sight of the woman's body rolling over the bonnet gave him no satisfaction. The world was doomed. Armageddon had finally begun. Even though Billy Pascoe was able to operate in the world, he was a dead man. He was just one of the many people in this world living the illusion of life. He had become one of the true living dead.
Between life and death. As Vivian lay unconscious on the street, she realised she had heard a saying once that had stuck with her, and only now was she remembering it:
It is in the darkness of agony and exhaustion
that the spirit of man burns most brightly.
At last, Vivian realised that the world wasn't a dark place bent on her destruction, that the world wasn't a hopeless place, but instead, a place filled with hope.
And if Vivian Pascoe happened to awaken again, she would welcome it.