Gran was a funny old thing. She loved to sing and it never mattered where she was. She loved to sing and dance in the kitchen while washing the dishes. Whenever I was sent to visit her for the day, I'd help her with the dishes and sure enough, she would make me sing and dance with her.

"Grandma, I think you should make an album," I told her one day as we were washing up.

"Pardon Pet?" she asked in return. "I THINK YOU SHOULD MAKE AN ALBUM...YOU KNOW, A CD? MUSIC?" I repeated, but louder.

"Mmm, sounds like a good idea," she told me slowly. "Kat love, do you think you could get me the yellow pages?"

"What for Gran?" I asked curiously.

"I want to find a good and reasonable recording company," she told me.

I was shocked. I was absolutely shocked. I didn't know what to say.

"But, but....but Gran I was only joking. I mean do you know how much it will cost you?"

"No dear, I don't, but I guess I'll find out soon. Now be a pet and get the pages for me, please."

I shut my mouth and went to get the pages for her. I couldn't believe that she was actually serious about recording an album. Who would buy it? Who would her producer and manager be? What were mum and dad gonna say? Calm down girl! I told myself. I'm sure we can work this out between us all when mum and dad arrive. I returned to the kitchen with the pages.

"Thanks darl'," Gran replied, satisfied. She flicked through the pages and finally found a recording company and rang them up. "OK......THANK YOU..... YES........SEE YOU THEN.......OK. Bye." She hung up.

"Well?" I asked excitedly.

"Well....I've got a meeting with them on Wednesday the 3rd of July. They want to hear me sing to see if I'm worth recording or not."

Again I was shocked. "Oh my God Gran," I said fast ,"that's in like, 6 days. What are ya gonna wear? Can I come too? Mum is not gonna believe this! What time did you say again? Can I be your manager? What's the company called? How much did they say it would cost? What are ya gonna call your alb..."

"HOLD IT THERE!" Gran shouted.

I shut my mouth and looked at her.

"Do you ever stop babbling on? You'll have to wait till your mother and father arrive, so have patience my child." She started to walk towards the lounge room and then turned around and faced me. "Oh yes and one more thing."

"What's that Gran?" I asked, hoping she would tell me something about the phone call.

"Mind your language. In my day, we got into trouble for saying things like 'gonna' and 'ya'. Kids these days, I don't know," she said walking off, shaking her head.

I could not believe it. She was really serious about this crazy idea of mine. Oh well, who cares? We were going to be rich!

Wednesday soon came. Gran and I were on our way to Poida's Recording Studio. We arrived at 12.55 p.m. Our appointment wasn't until 1.00 p.m. We entered the studio and waited. Soon a man in a Guns and Roses T-shirt, tight black shorts, a blue flannelette shirt and thongs on his feet, came out and greeted us.

"Hello, I'm Poida. That's spelt P-E-T-E-R. You must be Muriel" he asked my Grandma. Gran nodded.

"Sweet " replied Poida. He turned to me. "And you are?" he asked.

He had a funny way of talking and it took some time to understand what he was saying. I tried not to laugh.

"I'm Katherine, spelt with a K. People call me Kat" I replied.

"Bonza," he continued, "I'll show ya round the studio and then we'll listen to you OK? Righto".

On our tour around the studio, we saw a lot of big mechanical machines. I never knew that recording was so complicated. It was time for Grandma to audition or show us what she was made of, as Poida would say.

"Oh dear," Gran said, worried.

"Is there a prob?" asked Poida.

"Yes, you see I can't get into the mood of singing unless I am doing the dishes."

"No prob lady," Poida reassured her. He turned around and shouted to one of the other staff. "HEY WAL, WE'VE GOT SOMEONE 'ERE WHO'LL FINALLY DO THE DISHES FOR US. BRING 'EM IN WILL YA?"

Soon enough Wal, Wally, brought the dishes in for Gran and she started singing. There was no stopping her now.

"She's Fab," Poida told me.

"I know," I replied, sounding posh and snobby.

Soon enough Gran was signing papers and making deals. The cost was going to be paid off by the sales of her albums and if possible, tour concerts.

The next week, Gran was doing her first recording of 'Dancing in the kitchen'. It took hours and hours, 129 hours to be exact. While she was recording Poida and Wal were writing up some more songs for her and making sure they were fine. Some were sad, some were totally out of this world and others were, how can I put this, some were just plain stupid. Finally, we made up a list of 12 songs for Gran's Album.

A few months later, Gran's album was completed and distributed around the world, each copy individually signed by Gran. Gran received the first copy and I the second.

The album was a huge hit. It got to number 1 in Australia for 10 weeks, England 9, China 15, and New Zealand 12 and 7 songs were hit singles. Poida was so thrilled. Well, he was making big bucks.

Soon Poida and Wal had organised Gran to do an 'Ozzie' tour and European tour. The Oz tour was a huge success with 22 performances. We never made it to the European tour though. Gran had a heart attack and died while performing her first concert in England. It was a huge shock to everyone, especially me.

GRANDMA'S GREATEST HITS
(49:33 minutes of top music)
*Dancing In The Kitchen (7:37)
Memory (4:33)
*I Miss You, Grandpa (4:18)
*Speak louder (I can't hear you) (5:07)
I'm Growing Older (each day) (5:07)
*It's All coming Back To Me Now (4:12)
I Don't Know, I Can't Remember (2:59)
You'll Learn One Day (1:58)
Those Were The Days (3:45)
*Call the Doctor (I'm dying) (3:25)
*You'll Be The Death Of Me (2:23)
*Come On Ozzie (4:56) (dedicated to Poida and Wal)
Dancing In The Kitchen (radio edit) (3:37)

Produced by Podia's Recording Studio
c - copyright 1996
*songs that were hit singles